Dawg...

originally posted to tumblr on 6/12/2021

it’s been a while since i’ve posted about my body and shit, seeing that this is the space that I used to use primarily to talk about my goals and shame myself at the same time...

but, I’ve transitioned into a fully raw plant-based diet and i’m at 135lb right now.

do you know...that in all the years when i used to really beat myself up and over exercise and starve and binge eat and then guilt and the cycle continues all these years, i NEVER got down to 135lb?!

my goal weight used to be 135 and i didnt even know why.

but my ULTIMATE goal weight was 125lb and I also didn’t know what that would even look like on me.

Now, I am thirty years old and I weigh one hundred and thirty-five pounds.

I was between 145 and 150 for the longest, vacillating between the two and really believing that this was just what my body was gonna look like/be like forever...

I had minor aches and pains and a whole lotta inflammation and i knew deep down inside that this wasn't the body that I was meant to be in...like TRULY.

I understand my obsession now...I was never heavy. not as a kid. not as a teen. not as a young adult either.

but i was going about losing the heaviness in a completely unhealthy way.

Now, i am cleansing my womb and preparing my body to bear children. 

My intentions are to clean up my energy space, learn from my ancestors, and pave a new path for the future generations that will be birthed through me.

With that intention alone, I am able to commit to detoxifying my colon, kidneys, liver (whoa im having deja vu rn) and my heart and third eye to really be who i be and see me living out my true full potential on this earth and in this body.

with that commitment alone, i’ve dropped 15lb I didn’t realize I was really carrying around.

I know I’m not done yet either and that’s the exciting part.

I know I can be 125lb or 120lb, but it’s not about the number on the scale this time...it’s about providing what my body needs for it to operate at its most optimal state---without any baggage or repressed emotion that belongs to other people and that are experiences that are unprocessed...

This is really exciting.

Losing weight is really just letting go of energy.

The more I spend writing and crying at my altar, the more I wake up with more clarity and the lighter I become.

It is pure science.

Matter is energy.

We are all matter.

It is all energy.

I only carry what’s mine and I only carry what I need.

I do not overeat anymore in fear of not having enough. 

I do not punish myself or betray my own system’s signals by eating foods that clearly hurt me and cause my body to attack itself.

I only feed myself foods that are medicinal nourishment and I fucken see the effects of this shit.

In February 2021 i rushed to the ER because I had a hemorrhoid that was out of control and I was in huge pain.

It is now June and my life has changed drastically JUST by committing to eating differently.

In June 2009, I had to get my appendix removed in an emergency operation.

I just learned a couple weeks ago that the appendix helps to regulate the amount of toxins that are in the body. Without it, another organ has to step in and do the job of the appendix AND its own---and pretty soon that organ gets overworked and breaks down, which affects the next thing and the next...

I learned that my colon was trying to do both jobs and eating nachos, late night heaviness, sugar foods, and eating til OVER fullness was NOT helping.

I’ve always been pretty healthy but in the last couple of years, I’d been lying to myself.

Having one green juice a week and then a slice of pizza or a burrito daily does not equal health bro.

So, i’ve turned my life around not just for me, but for my community.

I’m here to heal myself and then pass this information on.

We all deserve healing--it’s our default vibration, anyway....