HIT ME UP WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH THAT OLD SHIT.

 I just opened up You Were Born For This by Chani Nicholas and just got through the intro and I'm already in deep reflection.

I know my purpose on this Earth. I've known it ever since I was a child and I have experienced so many moments of suppression because of it---

MEAN ass teachers, MEAN ass classmates, unfair punishment, mandatory classes to teach me how to have "proper" behavior....all in an attempt to SHAPE ME into someone that I am not.

By the time I got to highschool, I got so good at conforming to everyone elses needs and I ended up having a boyfriend who was just as oppressive.

Where were my parents in all of this? Doing the best they could to encourage and remind me that I am great and to keep shining and to not dim myself for other peoples' satisfaction----I heard it but I didn't UNDERSTAND it the way that I do now.

BRO---fastfoward to like 12 years later and I am the most motherfucking confident and centered version of myself that I have ever fucking been in my entire life.

I HAD to experience the constriction to understand my natural expansiveness.

IT TAKES NOTHINGGGGG for me to love someone.

If someone hurts me, I am confused by it AND I'm sending that person even more love because they could prolly use it.

I love fucken freely. I am nice because it's genuine for me.

I LOVE PEOPLE. I love to observe and listen. I don't need to talk about me.

when I'm in a group setting, the bigger the group, the quieter I be because I'm just FEELING.

one on one interactions are so deep with me and USED TO BE incredibly draining---as an empath and psychic, I would shift my own energy to sooth and comfort the other person, which would leave me completely drained because my energy wasn't being replenished by the other person.

NOT NO MO'! I choose the interactions I want to have and for how long and where and etc etc...why? BECAUSE I'M IN CONTROL OF MY OWN LIFE!

this mirroring where people were abusive in my life started many lifetimes ago and has shown itself this time around because it's my job (literally an innate ability) to love everyone through whatever the fuck is going on.

NO this does not mean be a pushover and let people take advantage of me.

This means, DONT BE AFFECTED BY OTHER PEOPLES EXPRESSIONS BECAUSE THAT SHIT IS ABOUT THEM AND NOT ME AND IF I AM AFFECTED BY THAT PAIN THAT THEY ARE PROJECTING ON TO ME, IT MEANS THAT I BELIEVE THEM AND THATS COMPLETE BULLSHIT BECAUSE I KNOW WHO I AM AND I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR EVERY MOVE I FUCKEN MAKE.

I'm coming out of my saturn return but I'm like lowkey still in this thang cuz saturn conjuncts my sun and pluto is conjuncting my sun AND saturn for like 40 thousand more years so this basically means I'm not even at the PEAK of my DOPENESS and I'm still motherfucking dope!

If anything, this round of experiences so far has taught me to 1. NEVER HOLD BACK and  2. WHY THE FUCK DO I CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLES OPINIONS OF ME?!

Clearly, these two were learned behaviors but it's all important because its a full-circle experience now!:

When I was fucken born, I was a powerhouse. I came out of my mothers vagina and looked all the doctors square in the eyes and scoped out the space before I cried. Then, my cry was this powerful YELL....a declaration of my arrival so loudly that the fucking doctor told my mother that I definitely am going to be a singer. I SNATCHED the little air breathing tube that my dad was supposed to use to blow air on my newborn face to get me to breathe OUT OF HIS HANDS and held it up to my own fucking nose. a. newborn. with arm strength. I held my OWN FUCKING BOTTLES BRO. My parents saved so much on diapers because the idea of me sitting in my own excrements was fucking disgusting to me so I ASKED to use the potty when I was 2....

From the age of 0 til about 10, I was FEARLESS.

when i say fearless? Bro. Look at my poses in pretty much ALL pictures of myself as a tiny person....FEAR.LESS. I came into this world KNOWING who the fuck i was and because of it, teachers were uncomfortable, I was told that I was bossy, I needed to learn to work with a group, I was "impatient"....but really, I was assisting other kids with their work after i was done with mine in first grade and my teacher completely hated it. I was doing her job BETTER THAN HER and getting in trouble for it.

When something unjust happened, I called kids out. Teachers even!

As a result, I was sent to "Friendship group", a fucking class that kids who are outspoken and energetic have to go to to fucking learn how to exist in a group----AKA FUCKING ASSIMILATE TO THE REST OF SOCIETY AKA NOT STAND OUT AKA SHUT THE FUCK UP YOUR PRESENCE IS TOO DAMN BIG AKA YOU MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE BECAUSE YOURE SO COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN BEING. 

dawg, that shit is bananas.

I remember that shit too. They would teach us how to share or how to communicate without hurting someones feelings....

DO YOU SEE THAT SHIT?! I HAD TO LEARN HOW TO DIM MY ME TO BECOME SOMEONE MORE PALATEABLE----IN A WHITE INSTITUTION MIND U. THIS SCHOOL IS WHITE AND FUNDED BY BIG DOLLARS.

so anyway, y'all. I'm fucken back.

I've learned my circular lessons. I see why things had to go the way they went and I see that the only way to go through this and return to who I truly am is to USE MY VOICE because that's what got me here in the first place!

The Lion King was my first big job. I was paid $4,000 a week  for a year and a half to use my voice in a way that was so natural to me. I came into this world a triple threat---singer dancer and actor. My parents bought me an Oscar from the Hollywood Souvenir shop for Best Actress. They bought me a card and my mom dad and brother signed it, saying how incredible I was and to never stop.

DAWG. DIS SHIT IS MY DESTINY.

Mark my words, you're seeing it here first.

If you think you knew me before, you don't know shit.

Like you know, but you don't. Because I've been holding the fuck back.

Yeah yeah I'm still sweet, open, personable, taking personal readings, building you wardrobes of your dreams, and making sweet music that you really enjoy and don't know why cuz you've really never heard anything like this before.....BUT I HAVE FUCKING SKILLS.

I'm good at everything I touch. Great, even. Actually, Amazing.

People tell you to be humble, why? for whom?

I learned to hold back because I didn't want people to not fuck with me because I was so good.

I also didn't want people to treat me differently because they found out who I really am and what I can do---I lost a lot of friends and some family turned against me after the Lion King, so my 11 year old self learned that success meant hurt & losing those I love....

I didn't want to leave people behind (or get left) so I decided to take the lesser roles always and stay back to assist others who things didn't flow so easily...

That's noble as fuck and I'll still do this....from the front lines though.

Either, in our friendship, you show up 100% and stand right next to me at the top, or you keep being afraid and you stay yo ass in the back worried about past shit and comparing yourself to others instead of putting everything down, looking in the mirror and getting real about your strengths.

When you know what you're good at, you're in the perfect place to attract help for what you're not so good at. 

THIS IS THE BALANCE.

so fuck social expectation and whatever ideas I created and believed for so long to hold back from who I truly am.

I have so many gifts. I am multi-talented. My life is a dream come true because I fucking believe in myself.

This is not a one-off story---this shit is WAITING to happen to you too. All you need to do is believe that you're more than you think you are, because you are.

You are made of millions and billions and trillions of cells, earth stars, pieces of the moon, meteors, and all this other cosmic goodness just to form A YOU. a SINGLE YOU.

NO ONE ELSE IS YOU. everyone says this but really think about it.

No one else. is you. not a single person on the planet is exactly who you are.

so fucking dimming yourself down is really just you shitting on your own self and not appreciating your existence, experience, OR earth, the universe, starts, galactic makeup, fucken God, whomever.

YOU SHITTING ON YOU IS REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING FOR ME AND I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT BECAUSE IM NOT HERE TO VALIDATE YOU.

I'm here to support you when you SHOW UP and say HEY I NEED THIS BECAUSE IT WILL HELP ME SHINE BRIGHTER AND I KNOW THAT YOU CAN TAP IN TO THE SPACES I CANNOT SEE RIGHT NOW.

That's it.

no more bullshit and no more babying you, cuz i'm not even babying myself anymore.

From here, forward, if you step to me, come correct. on all fronts and I will always keep it a buck with you.

no more bullshit.

the feminine isn't about sitting back passively....its about trusting our guts, our wombs, and fucking KNOWING.

the divine feminine is goddamn FEROCIOUS. don't let our breasts, tender lips, skin, hands, and nails fool you.

WE ARE THE CREATRIXES OF THE UNIVERSE.

the more you show up in your innate power, the more the universe will show up for you.

to my men, get your shit together. Speak from the tones in your chest.

Lift things, laugh until you cry, then cry out all the pain that you've suppressed too.

Any dude here worried about his masculinity and won't make certain choices because of it DOES NOT belong in my life.

I'm calling in all balanced folk---those walking their paths with an open heart and a willingness to learn something new every fucking day.

The journey is the journey.

the destination is DEATH.

we will all fucking get there, pero where are you rushing to now??

just be easy and enjoy what you're experiencing rn and if you're not enjoying it then you need to get way clearer and more honest with yourself.

what you speak comes true so right now, I say that I'm here for you with complete love and an open heart forever and ever. 

It is my job to be me. I'm sitting in my power right now, can you feel this shit?

Come correct for your OWN good. it'll feel better.

If you need help stripping down the layers of shit you put there based on your past experiences, fucken hit me up and we can talk about it. I can offer you a psychic reading over the phone and provide you clear insight on what the fuck is going on and steps for you to personally take to move forward.

If you're already on the path and would like an extra boost to bump you to the next level and/or keep you on track, hit me the fuck up. I can offer you a tarot divination reading to get
clarity on what you've got going on and how to continue doing the work.

My medicine is for all levels of energy.

Ultimately, my medicine comes from the lessons of my own life experience.

YOU ARE YOUR OWN ANTIDOTE. I AM A TOOL IN YOUR TOOLKIT.

I love you.

don't be afraid to fucken shine.

xx

Wilma Gardner Center, 1994.  I was 3. No, no one told me to pose like this. I chose it and the only folks who weren't surprised were my parents.